My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
