Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
