there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
