At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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