just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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