Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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