I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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