It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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