Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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