my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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