Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My dick has a subreddit
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
