she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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