He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
