Nicole vs. Life
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
