Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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