i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
