That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
