I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
