so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
