I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
