You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
