Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
