K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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