The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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