used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
