Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
