i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
