Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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