I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
