i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
