there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm sobbing to NWA
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
