I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
