i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
