I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
