where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
