he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
