Don't you send me to vm
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
