Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
