How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude i'm inner monologue high
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
