I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
