Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
3 2 1 whiskey
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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