puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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