some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
