This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
