I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
