Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Drake has all the answers
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
