Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
