just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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