If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
