If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
