My hand turned me down
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
