every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
